So fresh and so clean

'sour puss' inspired by the minute sculptures of erwin wurm

Having just moved to a new space, I have been consumed of late with the reorganizing and cleaning of our apartment. It's an amazing space in the Annex and spacious enough to allow for a healthy relationship and clearer state of mind. Space is refreshing. It has been so underrated all these years that I've crunched myself into small boxes of apartments only to save a little on rent or whatever. But September marks a change of many sorts. A new place. A new outlook. A new beginning yet again. Summer was great but it was with it's drawbacks as well. Work is slower in summer which feeds my hedonistic tendencies to fuck off and do nothing. So, while I had many chances to just relax and travel, I wasn't exactly making enough money to support my whims. That's the bum rap of freelancing. No work, no pay.

So, I was feeling a little stagnant at the end of summer. Feeling slow, not focussed on anything I was passionate about, not really motivated to do anything except maybe travel. Now, this kind of disillusionment is something I've become quite accustomed to being a Sagittarius. It's inherent to my personality that I am restless and always "wandering" in some form or another. But, as I get older, I become more aware of my ways...and learn to accept and deal with them. One day I may want to change my job, the other I might want to be a writer, artist, globetrotter and therapist all at once, and others I feel like I'm a jack of all trades with no specialty. You can see how easily I could sway. This summer has been a bit like that. Needing focus and stimulation for my much too active brain. At times I do feel like taking off and doing development work in Africa or Latin America. This is something I dream about daily. But, I know that until I achieve my goals of becoming a full time artist, I will have to settle for summer trips and 2 week jaunts at a time. Not bad I suppose but yet why do I feel so discontented? Repeated questioning leads to one answer...I'm just like that dammit. And maybe more people are like that than they'd like to admit.

So, September marks the fresh beginning that will hopefully quell my restless ruminations and give me something to focus on. Thankfully, those things are readily there and I feel the excitement of adrenalin that I long for so much. Did I mention that I'm an adrenalin junkie???? I begin art school at OCAD again and have been inspired by so many great artists around me. They constantly boggle my mind and impress me with their conceptual prowess and innovation. I am taking 2 days of drawing this term. Just basics I guess but they are gonna work us like dogs. 7 assignments of drawings/paintings that will have to meet the utmost quality in one term. Crazy. I am really a bit intimidated even though drawing and painting are my most familiar mediums. But, finally, by the end of this course, I hope to be completely proficient in my visual vocabulary and have the skills and confidence to draw/paint any mood, idea, concept I wish without doubting myself. Overcoming that nervousness and succeeding is like jumping off a cliff into icy cold lake water. What a rush.

Also, Dean and I are planning to get a puppy. Yes, we are becoming puppy parents soon and if all the stars align, we should have our little German Shepherd puppy by early November. In a couple of weeks, we go to visit the newborns and will take our pick. Soon, we will be wiping up pee and poop off the ground and dealing with chewed up furniture, but it all seems worth it to have a dog who will teach me to relax and love in a whole other way. Animal companionship is so great.

Anyway, other things in the works...an Art Therapy exhibit in October for my group of clients, a silent auction featuring an art piece of mine (still to be created?), and playwriting continuing through the winter. If that ain't enough for an overactive brain, I dunno what is.