Age is more than a number

I am definately getting older, not younger. But that's okay with me. You know how I know this? I have way less tolerance for people. I am so sensitive to people's energies now. I totally can't handle people who have obnoxious and needy/attention starving tendencies the way I used to. Heck, I might have been one of those people in my youth and maybe that's why i recognize it so well now. Anyhow, I find that either I'm becoming a pretentious snob or I'm just a little more picky about who I hang out with. Maybe as we set into our ways, we become more intolerant of others. Not that I feel like I have to apologize for this because we all do it on some level. Anyone who doesn't do it is lying.

Energy dynamics are interesting. Like energies attract each other, but at the same time opposites attract as well. We seek what we feel we lack or we seek to affirm what we are. So, what makes it totally endearing and acceptable for one person to be big and bold and then totally unattractive and annoying for another to be that way? I mean, when I think about art school, sure, we're all vying for attention, acceptance, recognition...but somehow that's okay. It's curious and interesting even. But out of context perhaps, then a person just seems utterly egomaniacal or unattractively insecure. And in some ways, we all exist on a certain vibe - our own wavelength that may attract similar vibrations throughout the universe. It's when there's some other vibe that's steppin' over the boundaries of what's comfortable for me, that I feel aggro and compelled to blog about it. Some people...so clueless about their own noise...must constantly seek affirmation outside themselves and then that's just too much for me. I go into "preserve my inner peace, stay the fuck away from me" mode. For the most part, I have elimated most sources of this aggravation from my life (yet another positive shift as I have aged). I guess what I'm talking about is when you have no control over it because of friends of friends, facebook fanatics, ignorant egos that have no sense of reality testing....you get the point.

facebook. now that's another entry altogether. it's crazy the new politics that have arisen from this mass machine of social networking. i have had to reject a million freakazoids that have looked me up over the last while. like what in the world is any person, who hasn't spoken to me in the last i dunno how long AND i never had positive relationship with doing when they are adding me as a friend? i mean, in some ways, it has been good to reconnect with SELECT, and I mean SELECT people. But for the most part, it has been utterly shocking how many people just want to snoop around your life. I guess it's ironic that I am out there in cyberspace yet I crave privacy. Well...I never said I wasn't full of contradictions. But let's get serious. Some things have to remain sacred right? Some books (ha, a pun!) are better left closed and some pasts have served their purpose to enlighten, to educate, to celebrate in our memories and that's it.

I guess this whole venting session is inspired by the same source - being inundated by people's demands, energies and snoopiness and feeling that for a long time, I had done away with the excess baggage and unneccesary noise. But alas, all things are learning experiences and it would be foolish of me to think that i can pack up my bags and rejoice neatly in the life I have created. Things hit you when they need to and if nothing else, make you thankful that you've moved on.